Wednesday (4/1) at 4pm: First U Minister’s Tea
Starting this week, Rev Roger is offering a NEW opportunity for us to to be together on Zoom! Again, we can share in the gladness that we have our beloved community to hold each other in safety and care. Let’s enjoy some interesting conversation, a delicious beverage, and every moment of joy we can find. All are welcome. Join us.
Nothing Gold Can Stay
MOMENTS OF JOY
I got an email from a church member today. She has been having an anxious feeling that compelled her to write down some of her wishes should she die. I wasn’t sure how to feel about this. But I knew it was important to hold her in safety and care.
When I was a preaching minister, I used to do an annual service about grief, encouraging people to plan their own memorial services. I even included the forms in the Orders of Service. Though I thought this was helpful, I never got many returned sheets. That’s no surprise, really; we don’t like to ponder, plan or prepare for our own deaths. That is, until times like this.
This coronavirus is wreaking havoc with how we live, causing near panic about economic realities, food supplies, and “conspiracy theory” lockdowns. This coronavirus is weakening our spirits as it threatens to take our very lives. This is a bitter pill my friends, causing untold anxiety and depression, making us sick with worry.
It is time then, dear ones, to return to our faith and to begin caring for others even as we care for ourselves; indeed, that is the only way we can survive. Our UU Seventh Principle calls us to affirm and promote “the interdependent web of existence of which we are all apart.” Translation: we are all connected; we must all care for one another. We are in this together and counting on one another.
Today is not the first day I received a person’s final wishes. Some of you know that the very first time I stepped foot in a UU church was when I arrived here at First U some 40 years ago. Those were dark and scary days too: it was the very beginning of the AIDS epidemic. Gay men were dying in great numbers.
Meanwhile, the country was panicked that Linda Evans kissed Rock Hudson on tv’s popular Dynasty. People were afraid to hug or touch or even visit the afflicted, at least until Princess Diana did so. So here we were in the middle of all this fear when First U has a training to teach caregivers how to care for people with Aids nearing the end of their lives. I was at that training. I cared for many brave and beautiful souls. I lost too many. And I cried a lot.
But then I remembered a key piece of the training. At the end, we were all given purple roses, the “color of transformation” we were told. We held hands in a circle and sang, “Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure; that’s what friends are for…” from the song That’s What Friends Are For.
Looking back, I can’t really say who was being transformed, us or our clients. But it was back then that I learned the very best pastoral care tool I know: to keep telling their stories. This is how they remember they are still vital and alive and connected to everything else. And when they pass on, tell their stories for them. This is how we remember that they are still with us, that we are always connected and that love never dies.
But here’s the thing I most want to share: In every single story I have heard and told in 40 years, it’s always the joy that leaps out. Be it some goofy joke or some sweet, smiling and shining moment, in all the goings on of our lives, moments of joy appear. Always.
My prayer for us, as we hunker down, is that we not let ourselves get too low. Let us be transformed by each other’s love, holding one another in safety and care. Let us enjoy a funny show or an interesting book or a really good cup of coffee, and let us savor each moment of joy we can find. Then, let’s share our stories because, dear ones, that IS what friends are for.
Until then, my friends: Be whole. Be well. Be fully you.
A Great Depression
I was talking with my good friend Gerri today. She was very sad. It happens that her office will close for at least two weeks starting on Tuesday (3/24) at noon. I know that might sound a bit like a welcomed break; after all, Gerri commutes to metro Boston at 1.5 hours each way, five days per week. The only thing is, as an hourly worker she gets no pay while she has no work. This is a big problem! Gerri’s plate is less full.
I remember hearing stories about the Great Depression of the early 1920s when there was not enough work to go around. Likewise, there was no food to eat, no stoves to heat, no lights to see, and no places to be. That was the trouble. Having no “purpose,” having nowhere to go sent a lot of people straight into a deep sadness. Their sense of uselessness, of not contributing to society, reverberated well into their concerns about their overall mental health.
That was maybe the biggest part of the problem. How does one survive such circumstances? How does one live through all of this without some diminishment of their mental acuity? As we enter into these early 2020s, I am increasingly worried about these very questions and how mentally fit we are to cope.
The Lay Ministry Team and I have recently discussed depression—how to recognize it and how to respond. In truth, it’s a subject we have said little about for at least two reasons. First, depression is a vast subject that way too little is known about. Also, depression is a subject that woefully too much is kept secret mostly because of negative and harsh social stigma. Depression scares us. It marks us. And we don’t talk about it.
When it comes to depression and anxiety, I often think of this line in the movie Fight Club: “The first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club…” But there are signs to recognizing depression. Looking for them and reading them is important spiritual work. And doing so can save a life—yours.
Ask yourself: Have I lost my energy or my “zest for life” or my interest in doing things I generally like to do? Am I sleeping and/or eating well? Am I having trouble concentrating? Have my thoughts started to take a darker, more troubling turn?
If the answers to even just one of these questions concern you, I really want you to talk to someone. I am volunteering to be that someone, to listen, to talk with you at any time. I am also available to discuss your concerns about a friend, a family member, or others with whom you are close. Maybe you are a light at the end of their tunnel or the beginning of their help.
There really is only one rule when we are responding to depression: The first rule of fighting depression is you MUST talk about fighting depression. Though this sounds simple it is by no means easy. Maybe that’s what gives it such great value. Either way, when we share what troubles us we are no longer imprisoned by what troubles us.
And we are no longer alone. We really can rest in the gladness that having one another to share our joys and our sorrows makes all the difference. I promise you it does, and will for you, too. The Lay Ministers and I are here for you, wanting to be of use, wanting to share the freedom and the light at the other side. Please, start talking. Join me in a life-giving conversation about ending a great depression.
Until then, my friends: Be whole. Be well. Be fully you.
To contact Rev. Roger or submit a Joys and Sorrows for him to read during our Sunday morning virtual worship on YouTube, you can reach him at or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Take a Deep Breath
Did you ever notice how in romantic comedies there is always the scene where the guy is running through the crowded city, or inevitably the airport, only to make it *just in time* to see the door closing? And so he stands: his hopes dashed, he’s feeling out of luck and out of breath.
The other day someone was asking me about life in the 1990s and we got to remembering how fashionable it was to build up our hearts and lungs by taking aerobics classes in the evenings—and I say fashionable because for way-too-long all anybody seemed to wear was very tight, wildly printed spandex!
My friend, Joe, and I were laughing ourselves silly admitting that while the rest of us were huffing and puffing ourselves into heart-pounding shape, he would barely break a sweat. Picture the group keeping pace to “Celebrate good times, ah ha!…” while Joe is doing something more like a waltz—no worries about getting breathless here!
I’ve been thinking about breath a lot lately. It is not lost on me that this Coronavirus is an attack on the breath, an affront to breathing itself. So I want to know that you are breathing easy. Despite the pace this disease seems to be keeping, I want to invite you to slow down, to breathe, to breathe easy even.
Please, take a deep breath with me now. And another.
Perhaps you can rest in the knowledge that your beloved community is still here for you with hearts as strong as ever and hands ready to help. Do you need food? medicine? money for shelter? Please call me for help. Do you need a buddy, someone to check-in with every couple of days? Again, please let me know.There are many pastoral resources available to you for the asking. It is okay to ask. It’s okay to breathe a little better in our help.
In Hebrew the word Ruah means both “breath” and “spirit”, as such, we create the spirit of life every time we breathe together. That’s what I am missing most about church right now. I miss you. And I miss the Spirit of Life and that great transcendent moment each Sunday when I say, “Please take a deep breath with me,” and you do.
What follows is the whole congregation simply breathing together, simply being together. But there’s something more that happens. In the sound of our collective breathing, I *feel* our collective spirit. Like being together, breathing together sustains us.
My friends, I pray it will not be long until we are together again. For now, let’s do all that we can to keep our hearts and bodies strong. Let’s laugh at old memories (and old fashions too!). Let’s call on each other for pastoral support or just to check in with a buddy.
And let’s watch old rom-coms… because even though it seems all hope is lost, at any second, love is going to burst through the door, the guy is going to take a deep breath, and smile, and rest in the gladness that life is blessed after all.
Until then, friends, keep breathing.
Love in the Time of Coronavirus
Okay, so that title from a colleague might be a bit cheeky, but maybe not. Here at First U, we say we practice “love beyond belief.” Perhaps this virus is going to help us live more deeply into those words. You have probably heard the Chinese symbol for “crisis” means both “conflict” and “opportunity.” Friends, please let us make an opportunity out of this coronavirus crisis. These resources are intended to help us do just that.
Please check back here often for updates and resources.
THE LAY MINISTRY TEAM
Rev. Roger and each of the Lay Ministers are at-the-ready to hear from you. We are trained to listen and to help companion you in times of stress or illness. We realize this virus created a sense of heightened anxiety in our church community. We are here to talk and to listen. Though we cannot visit in person right now, we are available by phone, FaceTime, Skype and Zoom. Please, be in touch:
THE ‘CARE CREW’
First U has a long tradition of offering rides, helping with errands, and preparing meals. This is something we do well and can do for you. If you need medicines or meals, please contact Rev. Roger at or email@example.com. If you are an elder or shut-in, have an illness or are under self quarantine, I urge you to be in touch.
THE ‘BUDDY SYSTEM’
A reading in our hymnal reminds us that “We need one another when we are in trouble and afraid…Indeed, all our lives we are in need of one another.” That statement couldn’t feel more true than it does now. To that end, Rev. Roger is putting together a ‘buddy list.” The goal is to definitely partner-up those who are vulnerable with a phone buddy so that everyone STAYS CONNECTED. This may well be one of the most important things we can do to keep track of everyone. If you want to be on the list, or if you have a buddy already, please let me know; it will make the work much easier. Contact Rev. Roger at or firstname.lastname@example.org.
JOYS & SORROWS
One of the meaningful parts of our Sunday worship services is our sharing of Joys & Sorrows. I do not want us to give up this tradition while we are temporarily staying off the First U campus. I urge you to please send your thoughts and life events to me by 5:00 pm each Saturday. I will record these into YouTube and send a link for you to view each Sunday morning with your Joys and Sorrows and a prayer or meditation. I am glad and moved to respond to you in this way.
Contact Rev. Roger at or email@example.com.
With love beyond belief,